Cook with Honey

Years ago I was at a concert at Tanglewood. A woman sat down in front of me and I did a double-take. Finally, I had to ask: "Has anyone ever told you that you look a lot like Judy Collins?"

She smiled. "That's because I am," she said.

I think at that point the concert started. And you know how it is. Whatever questions I would have wanted to ask her--I knew many of her songs by heart--flew right out of my head.

If I saw her today, I'd thank her for "Cook with Honey."

I know she didn't write it. Valerie Carter did. And I want to hear Carter's version of the song. But Collins' beautiful bell tone, so clear and, at the same time, so warm, brought the words to life:

I always cook with honey
To sweeten up the night
We always cook with honey
Tell me, how's your appetite
For some sweet love?

I don't know about you, but I think that sounds pretty good right about now.

The song continues:

Finding favor with your neighbor
Well, it can be so fine
It's easier than pie to be kind.

Now, the song starts out with neighbors gathered around a table ("Muffin warm and basket brown"), and that's how I always thought of "Cook with Honey"--as a beautiful song about good feeling between people.

But I hear it a bit differently now. Sometimes things aren't so honky-dory with that neighbor (boss, coworker, customer). Maybe the other person is having a hard time
--out of work, or maybe her marriage is on the rocks, one of the kids in trouble at school. You never know.

One day a friend told me he and his wife were getting divorced. Turned out she had left him once before, but they had reconciled.

"I had no idea," I said.

"Nobody did," he said. "We did a really good job, didn't we?"

So nobody knows. And no one can help. And things fall apart.

Now, maybe they would have, anyway. Some relationships don't last, even with real love, the best of intentions, and hard work. In the Great Recession a lot of people lost their houses, their jobs, or their life savings.

We may never know the whole story, even with those people we know best.

So when the next person cuts you off in line, and somebody else snaps at you, or someone yells something out a car window, and you want to scream--don't.

My friend Eric likes to quote Gandhi: "We must be the change we wish to see
in the world."

Maybe what disturbs us most, at bottom, is what feels like a lack of kindness.
And there's an easy solution: Make it your business to be kind. (Might be
the best medicine for these times.) Cook with honey.

©2009, 2013, 2014 Laynie Tzena.