You Were Saying?

“And to whom do I have the pleasure of speaking?” said the friendly voice. I had called to ask about a bill.

 

“What a lovely way to answer the phone!” I said.

“Most people don’t let me get it out,” she said.

She wasn’t kidding. And maybe it was because I was in that magical place called South of Market, where the streets are wide and there’s this feeling of expanse, but I heard her words and something shifted in me.

You see, I’m a fast talker. Call it the East Coast. Call it a wonderful, but impatient father.

“Make it snappy,” he’d say.

So I slowed down and we talked about the fact that it was a lot more relaxing to talk like this. I asked how many people that called her were in a big hurry. Most. We talked about how easy it was to get that way, and I mentioned a friend saying she had had to remind herself she didn’t have just two speeds, “High” and “Off.” I told her that I realized that when someone interrupts you it creates tension, anxiety, and that talking this way it felt as though there were more space, that I could breathe better.

I thanked her for what she’d just taught me, and we got off the phone. But before we did I also told her about how once a vendor of mine mentioned that I talked fast and so the next time I called, I made a point of talking slowly. At the end of the conversation I asked her if she noticed anything different. No.

So I said, “Well, last time you said I always talk fast. So I’ve been talking more slowly this time.”

“Oh,” she said, “Well, I didn’t want to mention it, but actually I was worried you might be depressed.”

We laughed.

I called a friend later and told him about the conversation I’d had with the rep on the phone about interruption, and how I was going to make an effort to slow down and not interrupt.

He said sure.

We went on to talk about a project and I listened and didn’t interrupt. At one point he said, “Hello?”

I said, “I’m here. I’m just listening.”

I think he’s adjusting.

So am I. I still catch myself interrupting, at times. Some habits die hard, and some of my friends actually prefer the way we usually talk, where we interrupt each other pretty often. So we just do what works for us as friends.

A woman I know views trying on new behavior as an experiment. I like that. And since music is so dear to my heart, I try to keep in mind that every composition is different and that almost all of them have rests built in.

©2011, 2013 Laynie Tzena.